he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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