i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
