So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize