Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
