Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
