my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
