This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
is that a dick in a sweater?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
