thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
