Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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