It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
