I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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