is your mom at the bar?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
