im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Randomize
