Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
