The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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