I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
