He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
did i walk over a car last night?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
