Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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