I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Panties = found
Randomize