pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
A+ Viking dick
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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