I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were trust falling into bushes
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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