The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
