from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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