last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
