Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize