Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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