He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
