she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
