after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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