I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
