Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
