For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
