Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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