I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
