Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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