guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
