we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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