I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
