so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
