how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
