He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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