this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am one with the molecules
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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