You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
