I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
