She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
