At least make sure they are 18
Why
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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