the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
there is glitter all over my balls
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