just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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