Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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