when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
