So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize