I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
