A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just want to make out with him forever
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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