i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
