Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
