i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
