I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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