He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
