i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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